Dear CU,
My Sister is a year older than me. She gets all the dates and I'm left covering for her, when she needs to go out. I have to be her shoulder to cry on, when her relationships don't work out. I love her, but I don't understand why guys like her so much and I don't get much attention. Am I selfish and mean for not being happy for her? Is there any one else in the same situation? (Female 19, Lambert College)

Dear Female form Lambert

It's perfectly understandable how you feel. Sibling rivalry is very normal. You're not being selfish or mean in not being happy for her. What I would say in simple terms is, that maybe you're too 'in her business'. I'm not suggesting you distance or separate yourself from your sister, but maybe you need to pursue more social interests outside of your relationship with her. If you're truly happy in your life then you don't have time or room for any of those negative feelings about hers. Be very careful though that you're not determining your worth or desirability in terms of male attention. Uni is the time to explore new things and meet new people so put you first for a change.

Dear CU,
The other day out of the blue, my girlfriend told me she needed a break and didn't want u to communicate. When I asked why, she said she had family problems. I'm a bit upset because to me, we are either together or not. So what exactly is a break? (Male 20, Uxbridge)

Dear Male 20,

First let me say, I'm with you on this. In a relationship, you're either together or you're not. Times of need are when you seek comfort in your close ones and loved ones. She may actually be thinking of you in terms of not wanting to burden you, but at the same time what position does that leave you in? There's nothing worse than not knowing. I don't know what kind of relationship the two of you have, but I personally would rather know, one way or the other. You won't know unless you ask. Just be sure not to put any pressure on her and steer clear of making any ultimatums.

Dear CU,
My parent's keep bringing up, the topic 'marriage'. Hey are giving me the option of choosing, but I know they expect me to bring home an Asian guy. The thing is my boyfriend is Afro Caribbean and we haven't even discussed marriage. I'm not sure how they'll take it. Any suggestions?
Is there anyone else who's been in the same situation and how did you deal with it? I know all parents are different, but still…(Piyanka, 23 southall)

Dear Priyanka,
You are right, every situation is Unique. The truth is you; have to be sure before you do anything. Talk to your boyfriend, find out if he is ready for marriage, because if he is not and you are, you need to sit down and decide if you are willing to wait. If however he is ready, next question to ask yourself is, if your parents do not accept him, are you willing to marry him without their blessings?
Dear Reader, if anyone has experience in this area, please send in some responses.

Dear CU,
I'm secretly dating my mate's sister. I don't know how my mate will take it. Thing is we've talked about it in the past and when we all sit together and joke about it, we all say 'Na family I off limits' but I really like her. I don't want this to turn into something bad. I've seen Scarface; I know how wrong this could go. Should I just break it off? (Male 19, South London)

Dear Male 19,

I'm sure this is not what you want to hear, but as a general rule, I agree, family is off limits! However, there are exceptions, the main one being if your friend is cool with it. But he's clearly not. Before deciding on what course of action to take, I would first question your motives. Was it sake of forbidden fruit… or do you genuinely like her? Because, however you look at it, you were willing to put your relationship with your friend on the line for whatever reason. As a mark of respect and if nothing else, out of common decency, I would come clean to your friend, because whether or not you decide to pursue his sister, you will have to be honest with him. Plus, the truth always finds its way out, and it would sound best coming from you.

Dear CU,
I've been trying to get with this guy, for a long time. We are finally together and things are great when we are together, but once we say good night. I don't see him again till the next weekend. He doesn't call all week or anything. I don't want to be clingy, but I wonder if he really cares and wants something serious. (Chantel 22)

Dear Chantel,

If you can't reconcile the words with the action, something isn't right. Every 'lady', deserves a 'man', and you are no exception. When you decide that no, this isn't good enough for you, ask him for what you want. Just be sure of what you're asking for, cause you just might get it. You may find that because you've been waiting for him for so long you've built things up in your mind and you've idealised him and the situation. In which case he may not be the guy you thought and you may just want to cut your losses and run. Whatever you decide, do what's best for you, everyone is entitled to change their mind.

Dear CU,
I'm just wondering, where the best spots to go to are, if I'm looking to meet someone nice to get serious with. It seems like everyone I meet these days are just not on my level. (Male 18)

Dear Male 18,

Hate to throw a wet blanket over your parade, but that old cliché that you can meet the person you're looking for anywhere is so true. You don't have complete control of that. However, what you do have control over, as you've already pointed out, is where you go, in order to optimise your chances of meeting a particular type of girl. Not everyone will agree, but it's logical; if you want fruit you don't go to a butcher. Tailor the places you go so that they reflect your interests in life. If you enjoy poetry, go to an open mic session or a poetry reading; if you like stand-up comedy, go to a comedy club. You get the idea?! But don't just assume that because you meet someone at such a place that they will automatically be serious. All this ensures is that you will meet people with similar interests. Good Luck anyway!



Dear CU,
My boyfriend and I live together. When things are good they are really good, but when he's away from home, he's gone for hours and is unreachable. I think he I cheating on me, maybe I even know he is, but I can't find the will to leave him. Can I make him stop, what he's doing or am I kidding myself? (Kat)

Dear Kat,

I'm not sure if you've explained your feelings to him. If not, and you want to make it work then that's the first step. Let him know how you feel when he's away for hours and is not contactable. If you know he is, then sitting around waiting for him to change is definitely not the way to go! It would be easy for me to say forget about him, cause he acts suspiciously… but it sounds like there are feelings involved and it's probably not that easy. I'm sure you have some good times with him and that he does have good qualities, but you need to decide what you want and whether his behaviour is at all acceptable to you, then take it from there.

Something for the road